dude i'm inner monologue high
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had sex on a roof
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
