Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
