3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
