guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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