I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
