apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize