I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
