i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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