She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
