a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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