I'm really into asian looking animals
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
