garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
