Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
