you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
