Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
