ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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