just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
