so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
