If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
