Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
