he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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