I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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