The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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