this beer tastes like vomit already
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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