Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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