1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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