Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
