If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
