dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
