do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
