Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
