maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
