Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
