I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
