Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
