I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
