Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
