I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Houston, we have a squirter
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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