If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
