I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
