she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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