I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
