I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
