dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
