Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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