I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
