I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize