hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
