how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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