The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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