she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
