i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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