She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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