just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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