She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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