So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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