At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
