Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
