My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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