Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
