Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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