Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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