I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
