You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
